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Note: In the Spirit of Full Disclosure, the following is not new, but a re-post of my blog from MySpace posted in 2008. I feel it is as appropriate today as it was then, so enjoy…and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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So it’s Christmas time again, and I’ll start off by saying this: Merry CHRISTMAS! That’s right, folks. I’m not saying “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Channukah” or “Happy Kwanzaa” or any of that this year. Why? I do Christmas. If you do any of the others, don’t take offense. Just say “Happy….” whatever you practice. I don’t take offense to it. Why should you?

You see, here’s my position on the whole matter. I have friends that are Jewish. They do Channukah. I don’t expect them to say “Merry Christmas” because it isn’t their deal. If they CHOOSE to say “Merry Christmas,” that’s fine. But if they were to wish me a “Happy Channukah” instead, that’s just fine. The regard is the same. The intent is the same. It’s not an attack on my personal beliefs. It doesn’t impact on me, my life or that of my family, so what’s the big deal?  And I may choose to say to my Jewish friends “Happy Channukah” as a courtesy, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to celebrate Channukah, and it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to celebrate Christmas. I have the RIGHT to make that choice.

But every year, SOME people freak out if you say “Merry Christmas.” Not ALL people, mind you. Just the ones that get off on making a stink about how Politically Correct they are. If you want to say “Happy Holidays,” go for it. The same rules apply. But why should I have to conform to your well-wishing manners?  How does my “Merry Christmas” affect you? The simple answer is that it doesn’t, but that’s not enough for some people. I have to be enlightened by someone who thinks being enlightened is using fluorescent bulbs instead of the old-fashioned bulbs. I have to be enlightened by someone who thinks that the plight of the “One-Eyed Earthworm” is more important than building homes. I have to be enlightened by someone that has a “Meat is Murder” bumper sticker on their car while attending a “Pro-Choice” abortion rally.  You know what I say to them?  Go “Enlighten” yourself and leave me alone.

And I also don’t feel it necessary to wish EVERYONE a Merry Christmas.  You know why? There’s a lot of SHMUCKS in the world, and, quite frankly, I don’t want them to have a Merry Christmas. That’s right. If you’ve spent the year screwing little old ladies out of their retirement savings so you can go sun yourself on a beach in Barbados, SCREW YOU! No Merry Christmas!  If you’re a politician who’s been screwing up the economy and trashing the Constitution all year? SCREW YOU! No Merry Christmas!  And if you have pissed me off, gotten in my way, or tried to mess with my livelihood? SCREW YOU! No Merry Christmas!

I see it like this: The holidays are a tiered kind of thing. It’s the trickle down theory, in effect. Those closest to me? My Friends and Family? They’re going to get a Merry Christmas. They’re going to get a present, or a card, or a meaningful wish of love & respect. Those others that I may encounter periodically? The ones that are acquaintances who I encounter infrequently and only in a specific non-personal setting? I’ll just say “Merry Christmas.” But the people I don’t know at all? The ones who cut me off in traffic? The ones who meander through the grocery store when I’m just trying to get around them to pick up a jug of milk? The ones who let their screaming, maniacal children run through the mall knocking everything off the shelves and then sue the store when they get hurt? They get NOTHING! No Merry Christmas. No Happy Holidays. No lump of coal in the stocking. NOTHING! I don’t even want to acknowledge their existence.

Now, all of this may make me seem like a real jerk, and, to be honest, perhaps I am. I accept the fact that my perspective on the holidays is jaded and selfish and flies in the face of all that is expected during this period of time. After all, aren’t the holidays about giving and love and respect? Aren’t the holidays about Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward Men?

Maybe at one point they were. Maybe, somewhere along the line, people were genuinely giving of love and respect to everyone. But then, somewhere along the line, somebody decided that it wasn’t fair. That they weren’t being represented. So they involved a lawyer, and a congressman, and they wrote a law that said that all holiday wishes needed to be equal, and the only way to do that was to knock Christmas down a peg. Get rid of Christmas, and just call it “Holidays.”

So, here’s my question: Why should I have to respect someone else’s point of view if they don’t respect mine? Really, that’s the entire point of this rant. Respect: Either you have it, or you don’t. You can’t fake it. You can’t legislate it. You can’t force it. And, it’s a two way street. You can’t be disrespectful and expect to be respected. It just doesn’t work.

So, for all my friends, family and acquaintances who may read this blog, I share this simple holiday wish: Merry Christmas! Have a healthy and prosperous new year.

Filed under: Miscellaneous by T. Edwin Perry